Looking back/looking forward

The problem with looking back is that you’re examining with fresh eyes, filtered, usually with the benefit of hindsight. In January I would have said that the year had started as badly as the previous one had ended. Now, I can barely remember the events that passed or how they made me feel. February – when Little Chick was placed with us – was a tiring month, but overall satisfying. But the details that felt so clearly imprinted on my mind are fading and memories are becoming jumbled, out of sequence, out of time.

No single month in 2018 was exclusively good or bad, though I suspect that’s how it’s been for every year of my life. In December, some of our lowest points were juxtaposed with what we hope will remain our most cherished memories. It’s a cliché to say it’s been a rollercoaster ride, but it’s apt.

I realised that I’ve tended to look back over my year when I’m least satisfied: unsatisfied with my performance, my achievements. It’s a frustrating and foolish task and one not suited to my temperament and unhelpful for my mental health.

Rather than looking back this year I’m looking forward.

I’m looking forward to:

  • Our first family holiday abroad
  • More walks and adventures
  • Seeing Little Chick in his school uniform
  • Hearing Little Chick utter even more words
  • Falling further in love with my forever family

I won’t be using the Word of the Week format in 2019. Little Chick’s speech is developing well: all being well, it is just a matter of playing catch up. Thinking of a word to sum up the progress Little Chick has made, I immediately thought ‘Proud’. But pride infers implicit responsibility, acknowledging your role in the success. That doesn’t seem right and isn’t testament to the tenacity Little Chick consistently displays.

Awesome.

He inspires me with awe and inspires me daily. He is truly awesome.

I will continue to write next year, and I hope to be braver: braver with the content and braver at sharing.

The Reed Warbler family wish you and yours health and happiness in 2019.

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