In times of uncertainty I consume. For most of the adoption journey, mindful of my health and determined to lose weight, I have avoided filling my face with ‘goodies’. Instead I have carefully and methodically bought things for our future child or children: books, toys, crafts, and more that most children would like. For each item I have mentally calculated who we could gift it to, should the worst happen, and we were not matched. Once we were matched, I could buy more specifically, focusing on the needs and likes of Little Chick. As time has rumbled on and my confidence in him ever being placed with us wanes, my shopping habits have tailed off. But my need to consume has remained and food has filled that need. I am fed up, literally and metaphorically. I have put on over a stone in the past four months. Uncertainty is an explanation but not an excuse. I swore I would never be as big as before I started losing weight and I stand by that.
I’m not writing this to gain your sympathy or even to just have a good moan. I need the accountability. Telling people that I need to and will be better with my diet and exercise is the first step in managing my consumption. It is also the first step on a path to good self-care, something I will need to be better at as an adoptive parent.