Today we received some good news. News we have been waiting weeks, months, years to hear.
But we also received bad news. Unexpected news. Unsettling news. Upsetting news.
And this has been our overriding experience of adoption so far. The good news is rare and short-lived. The bad news is seemingly endless and, frankly, it grinds you down.
So, today I have lots of feelings.
I feel shattered, physically and emotionally.
I feel like our adoption journey has been one disappointment after another.
I feel like every time we make progress it is countered by a new obstacle.
I feel like every good opportunity, emotion, or experience has been taken from us.
I feel like every step has been a battle and we’re losing the war.
I feel like we are being drained of our good will and hope.
I feel angry – again – but don’t know who to be angry at – again.
I feel like I am tired of adoption before we even meet our child.
I feel cheated of pleasure and robbed of joy.
I feel sick of it all.